There seems to be a cottage industry that has developed in America surrounding the notion that modern life is lonely. It seems this sense of loneliness flows from the notion that we are to be “self-sufficient” and not “need” anybody to help us. We live in a society of radically autonomous people all insisting that their own immediate desire is the highest good and must be achieved! Of course, there is nothing wrong with being capable of caring for yourself, but, as with all good things, this ability can be twisted and made to be an impoverishment to our lives. And the cancer of this narcissism means true community, which we all crave and desire, is practically impossible!
As usual, the elusive power of balance and sobriety mark the places in my life and your life where we need the grace of God to heal us and set us free from the delusion of our own self-sufficiency. This message of balance and sobriety is not a very popular message and it certainly isn’t an easy one as well. So, in light of our life in Christ, with the gift of the Holy Spirit and His power given to us by the Church, with all the spiritual tools given to us in our precious and timeless faith, how can we regularly confront ourselves with the wisdom of the faith to overcome this sickness of radical autonomy?
Look at our Gospel Lesson in Matthew 5:20-26:
Jesus said to his disciples, “Unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. You have heard that it was said to the men of old, ‘You shall not kill; and whoever kills shall be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that every one who is angry with his brother shall be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother shall be liable to the council, and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be liable to the hell of fire. So if you are offering your gift at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Make friends quickly with your accuser, while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison; truly, I say to you, you will never get out till you have paid the last penny.”
Here, Jesus speaks very plainly to the crowd around Him about the dangers of destroyed relationships. In one section He says “So if you are offering your gift at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”
Broken relationships directly affect our relationship with God. Broken relationships directly affect our communion and our lives. Broken relationships release the spiritual “poisons” of resentment, bitterness, fear, despondency, anger, and the desire for revenge. Left unattended these spiritual poisons then infect all our other relationships and set up a pattern of self-protection and defensiveness that reinforce the very loneliness we fear. And all this usually flows from our insistence that we are autonomous from one another and that we always have to look out for “number 1!”
One of the remedies to this spiritual spiral down into loneliness is taking seriously the Lord’s command to not let these difficulties and broken relationships fester. Deal with misunderstandings and arguments as quickly as you can after a “cooling off” period. In another place, the Apostle Paul said “Don’t let the sun set on your anger.” Keep short accounts, especially with those closest to you.
By doing this you invite the grace of God into all your relationships to provide healing and humility and you can approach the Chalice of the Eucharist with integrity and peace. At each liturgy the priest, before he takes the Eucharist there on the altar, turns to the faithful gathered and asks forgiveness, all because broken relationships poison communion, and doing the hard work of communion sets me free to receive the Eucharist in peace and not merely by habit or as “my right.” In fact, this hard work of relationships actually transforms us into real persons instead of individuals!
Today, do you see the value of the hard work of communion to be the medicine that heals you of self-destructive selfishness that breaks the relationships in your life? Are you willing to take up the spiritual “weapons” given to you through your Orthodox faith to combat the real enemies of your life? Even though it’s hard, are you willing to do the work to restore broken relationships so that your reception of the Lord’s Body and Blood will be healing to you and freedom from the delusion of a selfish prison? You can, and you will discover the joy of the hard work of communion and being Orthodox on Purpose!
P.S. Dear Lord, You prayed for us in John 17 that we would be “one” like You and Your Father are one! You set the standard of unity in our Orthodox Community as the unity that is experienced in the Mystery of the Holy Trinity! Lord, this is impossible for us without a miracle of healing and strength. We must depend on You for the transformation of our hearts to know that kind of community by God’s grace. Lord, please help me today to escape the loneliness of broken relationships and embrace the mystery of becoming like You so that I will never be lonely again! Amen.
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Linda Vogt Turner
A broken relationship can be like a shattered mirror of a wrecked motorcycle abandoned on the side of the road. If one tries to put the mirror back together again, as did Dr. Alexandros Papaderos when he was a ten year old boy, one may find that you can’t. So Papaderos found a way to hone one part of the mirror and use it in a way as to cast light into dark places. This became the meaning of life for him. When he grew into adulthood he went to Germany and studied philosophy and theology. Equipped with both the philosophic knowledge of man and God, Papaderos co-founded an Academy for the purpose of Rapprochement on a mount overlooking the Aegean Sea surrounded by olive orchards overlooking two sets of grave yards those of Cretan Partisans and German Soldiers. This was difficult because both the Germans and the Cretans were poisoned with bitter hate after the Cretan Invasion of WW2. Each vowed they would never stop hating the other. The Germans were outraged that the Cretans fought back using civilians to attack them with pruning hooks and scythes while they were landing armed only with side arms with limited ammunition. And of course the Cretans believed they had every right to resist the invasion with every means possible and would never stop hating these invaders who punished them for their resistance. As the Scripture says…make every effort to restore friendly relations before they get out of hand and you get tossed into prison. John 8:32 says the Truth will set us free. And yet sometimes we get mired in the mud of our own grief and despair…and say as Naomi did longing for rapprochement, returning to her friends from the pagan territory of Moab. “Don’t call me Naomi, the pleasant to look at one, call me Mara for the Almighty has treated me exceedingly bitter. Each one of us needs to face the Truth. Sometimes through no fault of our own or because we have lost sight of the Almighty or because we were hungry or we were seeking love and acceptance, we find ourselves in a broken relationship that just cannot be restored or in a relationship that worries and threatens others. We can blame God for our plight and fall into despair. Or we can thank God for challenging us to realize our plight. If our relationship is indeed broken beyond repair…then let us realize that truth and pick up the example of Papaderos…and hone the biggest piece and use it to shed light into the dark places of our lives. And let us also see how Papaderos’ example exemplifies the example of Cephas aka Simon bar Jonah (Matthew 16:17) who was called to show hospitality to those his faith tradition had taught him to despise as ungodly pagans (Acts 10:28).